Forbidden Love (Sterek AU)
by Centa0592
Summary: Derek is a pastor who has his life turned upside down when a young adult named Stiles, who is struggling with his sexuality, crosses his path.
1. Chapter 1

Sterek fanfic AU version…

I'm not even sure how I got here, how I arrived at this place in time we all call life. How I managed, in seemingly no time at all, to disregard everything I've grown known as truth and become so wrapped up in all of this. Last thing I remember, last thing that seemed normal was preaching the word of God and actually meaning it. I guess it's time I start from the beginning and explain what exactly has happened to me, how a pastor who's grown up in church all of his life could risk losing his wife and kids over what shouldn't be at all-the forbidden love.

I remember being young, sitting on the front pew with my mother, all dressed up in my Sunday's best listening and watching my father preach. He had been the pastor of that church since before I was born so naturally the congregation watched me grow up. Lydia is my sister and is a few years older than me, she was what the congregation called "trouble." There would be whispers and rumors and snickers all saying "there goes that Hale child, up to no good again," it kind of made me sad and another part of it made me angry that they would talk about her in that negative manner. I always thought the bible was about forgiveness and understanding not judgment and hatred and me being so young I couldn't understand how to separate the two. Now Lydia had long flowing red hair and more curves than a girl her age should have but she wasn't a bad child like everyone made it seem. She just liked to have fun, show her body off, and cuss; there was nothing wrong with that my father cussed all the time and even in the bible there were cuss words. Lydia always made fun of me though because I was so skinny and nerdy, I carried a bible around with me everywhere I went and I thought the word of God was the law of the land. At fifteen I started doing sermons on fourth Sunday which was youth Sunday, then at 18 I went to divinity school and was ordained. Throughout the years I manage to buff up nicely, had to prove my sister that she was wrong about me being a nerdy skinny kid the rest of my life and one day while I was in the gym I met Allison.

Allison was the love of my life instantly, I knew she would be the girl I would marry and she would bare all of my children and everything would be the way it should be kind of like 7th heaven. She was wearing a sports bra and black yoga pants, and had her hair in a bun. She was running on the treadmill and I was working on the weights that faced her. I had on a tight muscle shirt and sweat was dripping off my body but our eyes met and through the heavy panting and sweating we knew we were made for each other. I got off the weights, walked up to her, and leaned against her machine as she took her headphones out of her ears and smiled. "I saw you over here running and while I don't mean to be disrespectful I just knew instantly I had to meet you. My name is Derek, Derek Hale." She gave me the cutest smile, titled her head and responded with "Sorry for not slowing down I'm on a timer but it's nice to meet you Derek, I'm Allison Argent. If you give me like another five minutes we could talk properly." And that's exactly what I did. I waited for her by the water fountain and exchange numbers and decided to meet up for dinner that same night.

As we arrived to the restaurant she looked stunning in her black dress that fit her shape well. She had her hair down in curls and every time she smiled her dimples would show.

Derek: So Allison tell me a little about you

Allison: Born and raised here with my brother Jackson and our two cousins Stiles and Danny…their parents died in a car accident when they were like three years old Danny managed okay but Stiles on the other hand…Stiles cling on to his best friend Scott, and in the early years we got him counseling but nothing helped.

Derek: Why did Stiles take it the worst?

Allison: He was in the car when it happened…his mom was able to get out and opened the door to get him when she was side swiped by an ongoing car and he watched her die. He had nightmares for years and Scott was able to help, he was with him every second of the way…a lot of unhealthy sleepovers were had by those two. And you know I had to be the bigger sister and help take care of them with my mother.

Derek: Was she a single mother

Allison: Yup..my dad, Peter, ran out on us a long time ago but I never think too much about it nor am I angry with him. I have peace in my heart

Derek: So I take it you are religious?

Allison: Church every Sunday, does that bother you?

Derek: Not at all, I'm a pastor.

Allison: Then I guess it's fate that brought us together.

And fate it was indeed. Allison and I went on 11 more dates before I asked her to marry me, she said she had a premonition we were going to get married one day and didn't hesitate to say yes. We waited to the wedding night to have sex and it was magical, I think she got pregnant on the first try. 9 months later twins were introduced into the world and I should have been the happiest man alive but something inside me didn't feel complete.

The first day I preached service after the twins were born is the first day everything started to change for me. I was standing behind the podium giving my sermon when a young man walked into the congregation and sat beside Allison. He looked as if he just started to work out and had medium length black curly hair and a quirky little smile. He gave Allison a hug and placed his hand on her lap but instead of getting jealous I couldn't help but stare at this guy; I wanted to find out who he was and what he was all about and I had no idea as to why. After the sermon ended I walked up to Allison and the twins and she congratulated me on a wonderful sermon but I was still fixed on him.

Allison: Where are my manners, baby this is Stiles, my cousin I told you about who just got home from the army.

Stiles: Nice to meet you Mr. Hale…well Rev. Hale…or is it Pastor Hale…sorry my palms are sweaty

Derek: (His being nervous made me smile) It's okay…you can just call me Derek…we are family after all…sorry you couldn't make it to the wedding.

Stiles: Awe I'm sorry as well I would have loved to see my cousin in a wedding dress…but I am home for good my tour ended two days ago.

Derek: Well that's good to hear means I'll actually get to see you…get to know you.

Stiles: I look forward to it…but hey Allison I'm going to stop by and see more of you and the twins later on tonight if that's okay with you two…I just want to see my Scott first.

Derek: Scott? (why did I just blurt that out loud?)

Allison: Yeah Derek you remember me telling you about Scott…he was at the wedding

Derek: Oh jaw line guy…I remember

Stiles: Ha…yes jaw line guy..he has something special planned for me so I'm a go over there for a bit.

Allison: How are you? How are the nightmares…

Stiles: Can we not do this now?

Allison: Derek's right here why don't you schedule an appointment with him, he mentors it could probably help.

Stiles: As you wish….

Derek: Stop by anytime tomorrow I'll be in my office.

As he walked away I was kicking myself in my mind for mentioning the fact we were now family. I didn't want him picturing me as family but then I thought to myself I shouldn't care if he thought I was family or not. Why is this guy plaguing my mind? I needed to get him out of my head so I went to the alter and prayed. Prayed God would take any thoughts that would enter my head out of my head before they can ever come to light. I prayed to God to forgive me for entertaining the thought of being intrigued by this guy and I prayed to God to rid me of any sins. I'm usually confidant in my prayers but after leaving the church and thinking about him being with Scott all the way home, I knew then God hadn't heard my prayers and that I was on my on with this one.

The more time passed the more I kept wondering if Stiles was actually going to show up later that night or not. I kept looking at the clock, then at my watch, then pacing back and forth from room to room like some school girl crushing on the new guy. If it wasn't for my wife making me sit still I think I would have gotten in my car to find him. Which I'm grateful I didn't do because moments later the doorbell rung and I knew it was him. He came in and went immediately to the twins who were in the kitchen after just getting fed. Stiles picked the twin girl up and started bouncing her on his hip, she was laughing and he was laughing but I forgot to warn him they just ate and then it happen…all over his shirt she spit up and while he thought it was adorable I couldn't stop gagging. Allison made Stiles take his shirt off and gave him a cloth to wipe his chest down with; and all I kept thinking was "really? This man who I can't stop thinking about is now shirtless and wet standing in my kitchen." I couldn't be tempted, I had no idea why I was even being tempted because I knew I wasn't gay. I could look at a thousand naked guys and feel nothing but this one guy in particular, Stiles, I look at him and I melt. So I did the only responsible thing I could think of, go into my room and grab the bible and pray these thoughts away.

Stiles: Derek? Oh sorry I didn't know you were praying…

Derek: (Crap) Oh it's okay come in, come in

Stiles: Allison told me I could borrow one of your shirts

Derek: Sure…top drawer take your pick.

Stiles: You really like black shirts huh?

Derek: I don't like a lot of change or options…black is nice and simple

Stiles: I wish I could be more like you…to me I have to keep exploring the world, everything has to be constantly changing for me. It allows me not to get close to anyone.

Derek: (For the love of all humanity please put a shirt on) I'm guessing that is why you joined the army?

Stiles: Yeah, the army isn't permanent…I never got to go into combat and once I came out I get a check. Pretty sweet deal to me.

Derek: You're so young, now is the time to settle down start a family…or just have fun..

Stiles: Ha….I can honestly say starting a family is not in the cards for me…

Derek: (No don't sit down) Well you didn't come all the over here to talk about life…you came to catch up and see the babies….you and I will be able to discuss more tomorrow.

Stiles: You're right..I came in here for a shirt and for some reason I just want to tell my whole life story to you.

Derek: Whelp comes with the territory of being a pastor..I'll see you in the living room.

The rest of the night I tried to keep my distance but every time I turned around there he was, I wasn't sure who talk to about this so I called my sister.

Derek: I really need you right now

Lydia: Sadly you are not the first guy to say that phrase to me tonight

Derek: Do I want to know?

Lydia: Not really but continue.

Derek: Allison's cousin…I met him today..and well for some reason I can't get him out of my head.

Lydia: Finally!

Derek: Finally what?

Lydia: Finally you have some drama going on in your life, I'm tired of it always being me…do you find him attractive?

Derek: I don't know…I'm drawn to him, he was even shirtless sitting on my bed, chest wet and I pictured myself licking him. What is wrong with me

Lydia: Nothing is wrong with you Derek you're human

Derek: I'm a pastor

Lydia: And? That means you aren't allowed to fall in love..who said Allison was meant for you maybe this Stiles guy is meant for you or maybe some girl you meet tomorrow…stop living your life based on a book written by several people over a course of hundreds of years.

Derek: I believe in that book Lydia that is why…the bible dictates my life because it provides a structured road map to how God intended us all to live. Why can't you understand that?

Lydia: Because God intended for us to be happy and if we aren't hurting anybody then I say the hell with it…love who you want to love and stop beating yourself up about it.

Derek: If I give into sin I will hate myself for the rest of my life. I can't preach to people about the bible while I throw it out the window.

Lydia: Then I really don't know why you called me. Derek you are letting your faith decide your fate…stop thinking so literally and just open yourself up to new experiences. Look I got to go, I'm not going to tell mom or dad about this but just be happy for once, you deserve it and remember God gave you free will for a reason.

We hung up the phone and I felt incomplete, I felt torn because a part of me wanted to pray this demon away but another part of me, a bigger part, knew she was right. I went to sleep in hopes when I woke the next day he would be out of my mind for good. Needless to say, I was wrong. The next morning I woke up, took my shower, got myself together to go downstairs and who should I see in his boxer shorts dancing at the sink?

Derek: Ummm Stiles?

Stiles: Sorry Derek, it was late last night so I crashed in the guest bedroom hope you didn't mind.

Derek: No, no that's fine of course mi casa es tu casa.

Stiles: Well as a thank you I made breakfast…not sure what you liked so I just made a little of everything, bacon, sausage, eggs, pancakes…hope you like it.

Derek: Well you're doing better than Allison, I'm usually the one doing the cooking in the house.

Stiles: You name it, and I'll cook it anytime anyplace.

Derek: I'll hold you to that.

Stiles: I was thinking, if you didn't have any morning appointments if I could get a ride to the church with you this morning.

Derek: Sure…

Stiles: Oh yea I almost forgot here's your coffee…I made it the way I like it so hopefully you'll like it.

Derek: It tastes perfect…thank you…and how will you get home from church.

Stiles: Scott will pick me up…I'll be ready once you get done eating.

He left to the guest bedroom to get dressed and as I sat with my food I began to picture him in the shower. I tried to push the images out of my head but I couldn't contain it and then it happened…I became stiff and couldn't hide it, I tried to push it down but nothing would work the images of Stiles in the shower kept reappearing in my head until I was saved by a crying baby. By the time I got done changing the twins, and eating Stiles was ready and we headed off to the church. He sat in the chair in front of my desk and began to unload his problems immediately.

Stiles: I think I'm in trouble. Not trouble as in by the law or anything but trouble as in with God.

Derek: What do you mean?

Stiles: Well I think I'm in love with Scott, but all my life I've been told being gay is an abomination and well frankly I don't want to be an abomination. I don't want to have a harsh life just because of who I love but I can't help but to love him; he's been there for me throughout my whole life and he's the one who introduced me to sex.

Derek: (It felt like a knife was jabbing my stomach) Have you two had sex?

Stiles: When we were younger we used to play with each other till we you know came…he said it was alright to do because we were best friends.

Derek: When did the playing start?

Stiles: Around age 10.

Derek: Do you find yourself attracted to any other men?

Stiles: That's the thing I like girls, or least I used to like girls but after coming home from the army and seeing Scott all those memories just came rushing back to me at once. I always thought of him as a friend till the thought of me never seeing him again just did something to me. He knows everything about me, he's my best friend, he's my everything.

Derek: Do you want to be in love with Scott?

Stiles: Yes, no…I don't know. I want to be happy just without all the pain that comes with it.

Derek: Does Scott feel the same?

Stiles: He's confused like me…I know he loves me though and that's why he and his gf Erica had broke up.

Derek: What do you want from me then?

Stiles: To make the nightmares stop. To tell me that everything is going to be okay.

Derek: I can't do that…the nightmares come from the car accident correct?

Stiles: Yeah…I see her face every time I close my eyes.

Derek: Have you ever been in love?

Stiles: Besides Scott, no

Derek: There's your problem…you are looking to replace the love you have for your parents so the guilt will go away. Maybe you just need some fun, stop worrying about love, stop worrying about life or what anyone thinks of you. Let's go out tonight.

Stiles: Yeah? I think I would like that.

Derek: Yeah…me too.

He left right after that and I didn't see him again till later that night at the karaoke bar. We sat ordered wings and just talked for over three hours. We had turned off our cell phones and just wanted to be in the moment, the way he smiled at me when he laughed made me feel like this is what I was missing. Could it be I was missing happiness? I've lived for everyone else for so long I don't even know who I am. That's when he broke my thoughts by dragging me up to sing with him, I wasn't even sure I knew how to sing and then the music started playing he sung "I'm here without you baby But you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby But you're still with me in my dreams And tonight, it's only you and me." I joined him in singing the 3 Doors Down song and pictured him leaving for the army, pictured him singing the song as he had to leave me and as the tears began to form in his eyes I knew he was singing that song to say goodbye to his mother. As the song ended I walked him outside so he could cry into my shoulder, he held onto my neck and just cried without a care in the world. He had so much sorrow and guilt built up inside of his heart that he had to let it go so he could finally live.

Stiles: I messed your shirt up.

Derek: Don't worry about my shirt…you need to do your thing right now just cry onto me.

Stiles: The only other person who's seen me cry is Scott.

Derek: I guess that makes me special.

Stiles: You are…I don't know why but I'm drawn to you Derek

And that's when he leaned up to kiss me on the corner of my mouth then buried his head onto my shoulder again. I wasn't sure how to react; I wasn't sure how I wanted to react so I did nothing. I let him cry and then drove him back to my house so he could sleep it off in the guest room. After tossing and turning I woke up and crept to his room and just stood at the door, I wanted to knock or open it but I didn't. I just stood there leaned up against it until I heard the floor creak. He opened the door and asked me to come inside his room. Everything inside of me was telling me to go back to my bed, to not cross a line I would regret but my foot crossed the threshold and there was no turning back. I went into his bedroom and sat on the corner of the bed before asking if he was okay. He sat right beside me and said he felt as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders and how for some reason he feels so drawn to me. I knew exactly how he felt because I was suffering with the same feelings but I wasn't sure as to why. I mean I just saw him, just met him, I know nothing about him, not like what he and Scott has or what I and Allison have; so why are he and I sitting right here right now? He leaned closer and whispered "I love Scott," I leaned closer and whispered back "I'm a pastor." We kept leaning closer just whispering excuses until we kissed. The kiss was wet, it was warm, it was filled with emotion and passion and that's why I pushed back saying how I couldn't do this and went back to my room. I think my guilt was manifesting into reality because I woke up to a phone call from a local pastor asking me to do a guest appearance at an anti-gay rally supporting the banning of gay marriage. Knowing word would never get out to Stiles that I had attended I decided to make an appearance at the rally just to prove that I was acknowledging homosexuality should not be tolerated but deep down I knew I was only trying to convince myself. Needless to say the next morning the front page of the newspaper had a picture with my face on it with headlines reading "Local Pastor Hale leads Movement to ban Gay Marriage." Allison was proud of me for taking a stand but my stomach dropped; I felt sick and knew this wasn't me at all.

I tried calling Stiles but no response, the next three days he didn't come by the house nor did he pick up my calls. I had to see him, I had to talk to him, to explain the miscommunication that happened at the rally. I knew one place he would be and that's with Scott.

Derek: Scott I know Stiles is in there please just let me talk to him.

Scott: Look Derek I don't know what you said or did to him but he made it clear he wants no part of you.

Derek: At least tell me if he's okay or not

Scott: Well he's Stiles…I don't think that guy is ever going to be fully okay…as of right now he's crying on his bed listening to Adele music.

Derek: Please let me see him.

Scott: Come in…

Derek: Stiles…are you okay

Stiles: Derek go away…go read the bible or kill sinners whatever it is you Pastor's do.

Derek: Stiles I went to that rally as a favor…I had no idea it would be news there

Stiles: How do you think I feel Derek. I opened up to you, we kissed for godsake and then I wake up hours later to see you support banning of gay rights.

Derek: I already explained…I'm sorry for hurting you it wasn't my intention…I…

Stiles: Say it.

Derek: I…umm..look Stiles you know

Stiles: No I don't know…how do you feel about me Derek? Say it…

Derek: You love Scott.

Stiles: And you're a pastor….you stand in that pulpit preaching about acceptance, tolerance, love, happiness, truth…but do you know what any of those things actually mean? So what if two men love each other…I love you Derek…love you…love…does that word hurt you or something? Is it that big of a deal for a man to tell another man he loves him? It is some kind of curse? You and your bible sound so ignorant…just leave.

Scott: I think you should go.

And so I left; I didn't want to leave but I knew unless I mustered out the words "I love you," Stiles would want nothing to do with me. I got in the car and cried the entire way home; Allison had stayed up to wait for me but I assured her I needed some time to myself. I went into the guest room where Stiles was staying and smelled his sheets, and the pillow. I wanted to cover myself in him because I knew I would never be able to do it in real life; I knew I had to chose my family and my bible over him.

*Phone rings.*

Scott: Derek?

Derek: Umm, this says Stiles but who is this talking?

Scott: Scott…I need to talk to you

Derek: Is everything okay, did something happen?

Scott: Nothing happened…that is the problem. Look I overheard what you and Stiles were talking about in the bedroom there was so much passion between you two why would you hurt him like that? Stiles loves me yes, but that's because I was there for him his whole life. There's always going to be love between us and weird bromance but if you can make him just as happy then I don't mind sharing him. You crushed what little hopes he had in humanity…and you used the bible as a reason to do so.

Derek: The bible is my life…I've dedicated my life to Christ and all that comes with it.

Scott: You're living a lie…which is unchrist like. Why can't you accept happiness?

Derek: I…I don't know…

Scott: Do you love him?

Derek: I can't…

Scott: But do you?

Derek: Yes…

Scott: Then tell him

Derek: I can't do it over the phone.

Scott: I'll tell him to come over.

And I sat on that bed waiting for Stiles to arrive but three hours later and I heard nothing. I got worried so I called his phone, no answer. I called two more times before finally it picked up.

Derek: Hey where are you?

Scott: *Crying* Derek I'm so sorry.

Derek: Scott? Scott what happened…where are you

Scott: We're at the hospital it was a car accident, I was driving but I didn't see the other car and …

Derek: Slow down Scott…which hospital I'm on the way.

Scott: Mercy.

I don't even remember telling Allison her cousin was in the hospital, I just remember grabbing my car keys and driving as fast as I could. I was praying for his safety the entire time and trying to fight back tears of guilt. I finally got the nurse at the desk to give me his room number after being notified he was in ICU.

Doctor: Sorry no visitors

Derek: I'm Pastor Hale, I just want to say a prayer.

Doctor: Make it quick.

Derek: Stiles…Stiles I'm here.

Stiles: Scott said you wanted to tell me something.

Derek: I wanted to tell you…that i….

The machine started beeping really loud and fast and I grabbed Stiles hand and prayed as the Doctor's rushed in. Everything from that point on started going in slow motion, the nurses pushing me to the side, the doctor's yelling "Clear." Everyone having panic looks on their faces as Stiles laid on the bed with tubes in his mouth and needles in his arms. I was standing just looking and wanting to say something but couldn't. It didn't seem real, I thought I was dreaming and wished I could wake up to only find myself laying on Stiles' bed still but no such hope. The doctor faced the nurse and said "Call it. Time of Death?" I collapsed on the floor instantly and a nurse ran over to check my condition but I alerted her I was just fine. They kept asking me questions like if I was family or who to notify and I tuned them out, I was focused on Stiles and I grabbed his hand and whispered "I love you."

Everything that happened after that moment just seems irrelevant, this kid came into my life so damaged and instead of me fixing him he not only fixed himself but he fixed me and I had no idea I was even broken. I remember seeing him for the first time in church, his smile, I remember us singing karaoke together in the bar and he crying on shoulder for hours. I remember us kissing and how I never wanted it to end, and I remember holding his dying hand without getting the chance to take a risk and say I love you. So I went back to his bed, turned the lights out and started singing…

"If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

and just forget the world?

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel  
Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

and just forget the world?"


	2. Part 2

Part 2

Sterek Forbidden Love

That night all I could do was dream about Stiles, dream about him kissing me and me kissing him. I tossed and turned and fought with my pillow the whole night just being grateful my wife was gone so she wasn't able to hear me scream in my sleep; instead of being home she went to spend the night with her mother to help console her and Scott. I wanted so bad for the night terror to end, I wanted so bad to wake up from this horrible nightmare of knowing the man I loved was now dead because I was a coward. Because I was too afraid to tell him how I felt but I also knew that my eyes being closed was the only way I would be able to see him again.

The dream started out by me walking down the street smiling because I had just seen Stiles, our eyes met and smirks crossed our faces simultaneously. He walked towards me pushing people out of his path never taking his eyes off of me and I began to walk towards him as well until we were able to grab each other. I held onto him tight and he began to kiss my neck before whispering in my ear "I love you." I smiled and took his hand and we started walking again only now there was no one in the streets; all the people and all the noise was now gone leaving nothing but the chill air and leaves on the ground. That's when Stiles started to pull away from me and began to walk backwards while looking at me with tears in his eyes. He kept whispering "I'm sorry," and I tried to run after him but my feet wouldn't move so I screamed for him to come towards me but he kept going back. He went to the ledge of a bridge, looked me with tears in his eyes and leaped; my feet moved fast enough for me to watch him die leaving me knowing I wasn't able to save him.

I woke up in deep sweat by the phone ringing a part of me relieved that the nightmare was over but another part saddened that I could no longer hold him or see his face. I answered the phone with a deep sigh and sound of desperation to hear an excited Pastor Reid on the other end of the phone asking me to come to an anti-gay marriage rally that he's hosting. I thought this was some kind of joke so I reminded him I had already went the other day and that the joke was not funny. He began to stutter and asked me what I was talking about because the rally was today; there was genuine confusion in his voice so I asked him for the date and when he told me it was Tuesday I dropped the phone. Allison grabbed my arm and asked me what was wrong and I instantly became startled because I knew she was over her mother's house so I asked her "what are you doing here? I thought you were over your mother's house." She looked just as confused as Pastor Reid sounded on the phone and responded with "what are you talking about, I was here all night I waited up for you and Stiles to get back from your male bonding last night, remember?" I leaped from the bed and fell to the floor Allison asking me what was wrong and if I was okay. I wanted to shout out "Hell no I'm not okay!" I wanted to scream out to her "yes I remember last night only last night was two nights ago and Stiles is now dead." I wanted her to hear me say "I think I'm going crazy because I think I've lived this day before." But instead of saying all of those things I simply said "Yea..yea..i'm fine..i just have to..have to go to a rally." I ran into the bathroom to splash water on my face to make sure I was truly awake and just stared at myself in the mirror trying to tell myself that everything was going to be okay.

I just kept staring in the mirror with water dripping off my face trying to grasp a hold of myself. Allison kept knocking on the door asking me if I was okay but for a brief moment I was unable to answer; I wanted to answer but my mouth wouldn't allow any words to escape. I turned on the shower and murmured I was fine hoping that would be enough for her to leave me alone for a bit and it worked. I took my clothes off in what seemed like slow motion and just remembered that if I was indeed going crazy and this day had repeated then that means Stiles was still alive and sleeping in next room. I don't think I've ever showered as quickly as I had at that moment because I rushed out of the bathroom with only a towel on dripping wet past Allison to Stiles room. I could hear her ask me "where are you going?" but I didn't care to answer nor to look back my only concern was seeing if he was alive. I busted open the door to his room like I was a cop or something only to find his bed perfectly made and no Stiles in sight. I feel to the ground tears automatically streaming down my face. I felt like a little school girl who just had her heart broken for the first time and yet I didn't care because Stiles was not in the room and once again not in my arms.

That's when I heard singing coming from the kitchen and the smell of pancakes and I instantly remembered he liked to wake up early and cook breakfast, I sat there for a second and whispered out loud "breakfast" before rushing up and into the kitchen where he stood. I froze in the door way to the kitchen still teary eyed and unable to speak. Stiles stopped what he was doing to tilt his head and ask me if everything was okay. I grabbed my chest and slowly started to walk over to him and gave him the biggest hug I had ever witnessed in my life. I didn't want to let go of him, I held on as tightly as I could until he said he couldn't breathe then I let up. He gave me a puzzled look and I just kept saying "I'm glad you're okay, I'm glad you're alive." He laughed and said he was glad he was alive as well and then went back to making pancakes. Allison came from around the corner and wondered why I was dripping water all over her kitchen floor and I couldn't tell her the truth but instead I just said "I had an idea instead of going to the rally I decided to take Stiles out today so he and I can bond some more. I think it will help him with some of the issues on his heart as well as help me." Stiles stood there confused for a second then said "really? You want to go out with me again?" He began to smile as did Allison and she said "that sounds like a great idea it'll do you both some good to get out of the house and know each other. I'm glad to see two of the most important men in my life getting along so well." I smiled not because of what she said but because if she only knew how along we were actually getting.

I gave her a kiss on the cheek then went back upstairs to change my clothes for the activities that were to come. The more I thought about being with Stiles again the less I thought it was weird that I had relieved the day before and thought maybe it was all a dream. Just my guilty subconscious trying to tell me I could lose him forever and that there were worst things in the world then acknowledging love for another man. I tried to convince myself that Stiles dying was nothing more than a horrible nightmare and that I should live every moment with him as if it were my last. How many people actually get a second chance at love? How many people wish every day they could just turn back the hands of time and relive a mistake made and I've actually gotten the chance and well call it fate or call it crazy I don't want to mess this one up.

After finishing our meal we left in the car headed towards the park a few blocks away from where the rally was being held. As we got out of the car we spotted an empty bench and sat down on it so that we could talk. I looked at some birds looking for worms and at some couples walking their dogs and everything just looked peaceful; even Stiles looked at ease like nothing could harm us in this moment. "You've been in deep thought all morning, now are you going to tell me what's wrong or do I just have to guess?" I remained silent because I wasn't sure how to respond, I wasn't sure how to say I watched you die because of me so I just sat their quietly with my hands in my lap observing the park. "Okay I'll take that as I'm going to have to guess, is it about last night? Look if you're still freaked out…" I cut him off from talking because I didn't want him to blame himself. "It does have to do with last night but not in the manner you think it does. I don't know how to say it so call me crazy but last night I was at the hospital and I watched you die and it was all my fault. I had did something and it made you angry to the point you wanted nothing to do with me and so Scott convinced you to come see me and you had crashed and died in my arms and I never got the chance to say…" He grabbed my hands to steady them because they started to shake as the tears began to pour from my eyes once again. I sniffled a little to try and convince them to go back up but no such luck a few kept escaping. "Hey, hey, look at me Derek I'm right here okay. And what's weird is I remember everything you just said as well, I remember dying and feeling so cold and empty and then at peace all over my body and hearing the faint words of you telling me you loved me. I remember reading the article of the rally against homosexuals and you being there and I remember feeling so crushed and thinking you must hate me and hate yourself because of me. I remember it all but when I woke up this morning and realized none of it happened I thought well maybe it was just a dream and then you came downstairs and looked all weird and to be honest I got freaked out a little. I began to think maybe it wasn't a dream and he lived the same day I lived but when you didn't mention anything by it I just let it go." I don't think a bigger sigh has ever been giving in the history of sighs I felt so my relief to know that I wasn't crazy and if I was crazy I wasn't crazy alone. I looked at him and he looked at me and then I leaned in to kiss him, he pulled back and asked me if this was really what I wanted to do and without hesitation I gave him a sloppy, wet, hot kiss. I stuck my tongue deep into his mouth, allowing the warmth and wetness to massage my tongue and then I took my left hand and began to rub his chest feeling the hardness of his nipples against my cold finger tips.

Stiles let out a slight moan that made me harder than anything I've ever experienced and I couldn't believe what I was doing. I couldn't believe I was portraying PDA to the extreme and was doing it with a guy while I had a wife not to mention the fact I'm a pastor and am supposed to be mentoring this kid not seducing him. Yet I didn't want to stop it felt so good and so right and we weren't harming anyone or anything so I couldn't see why there was a problem. After feeling his dick grow to a full erection we both started laughing and said we better cool things off before we get arrested. It felt nice to be able to laugh with him, and that's when I saw a sprinkler a few feet over and grabbed his arm. He asked me where we were going and I told him to run the sprinklers like a couple of kids and get wet. He never hesitated and in fact he bet me he could be me there and well let's just say he lost that bet. We ran over to the sprinkles pushing each other and laughing like a couple of school boys just out on school break; everything seemed to start going in slow motion and while we were running and playing a large part of me didn't want any of this to end. After about ten minutes of running through the sprinklers I looked up, freezing and dripping wet, and saw all the couples kind of stopping so they could all stare at us. I even saw a few look a little disgusted almost as if they were judging us for having fun, almost as if they were condemning us for being two men and a feeling of anger overwhelmed me. The same anger and disappointed I felt all those years ago when my father's church would judge my sister without even knowing her and I was reminded of who I used to be. I used to be a person who understood the bible but also understood the world and didn't want to judge another without first learning of him and the sin and I would certainly not hate or condemn anyone as I know realized I've been doing with Stiles.

I grabbed Stiles hand and knew exactly what I had to do and without hesitation he followed me asking "where are we going now in such a hurry?" I didn't slow down but instead palmed his hand so we were walking hand in hand beside each other and responded "We're going to go to the rally, hand in hand. It's time I'm reminded of who I am and prove there's more to God's love then just words written in the bible." Stiles smiled and said it was about time he came out of his shell and when we arrived at the rally fear grew inside my whole body. Like the night mare I was frozen in place at all the faces staring at us and slander being shouted at us until Stiles squeezed my hand harder and whispered "if you want to turn around now is the time." I looked at him and thought to myself turning around would be the easy thing to do, going back to my regular life would be the responsible thing to do but then I remembered that I did that once and it didn't work out for anybody. So I squeezed his hand back, took a deep sigh and said "let's do the damn thing huh." Nervous as I could be I walked into the area where the rally was and saw people giving me confused looks who didn't know me, others were huddled in small groups looking and pointing then Pastor Reid came up to me with a huge grin on face and shook my hand. "So glad of you to drop by Pastor honestly I was afraid you weren't going to show after hearing how you sounded on the phone. Who is this?" I returned the smile and said "yeah this morning started out kind of…" Stiles smiled and finished my sentence "weird…this morning was definitely a bit weird. Sorry I'm Stiles relative of Allison." Pastor Reid put his arm around Stiles and said "Oh the army man i've heard about you well glad you could join the rally around here we're real supportive of the bible. Hey I have an idea Stiles why don't you speak about how you feel of the repeal of don't ask don't tell. I mean I know having those queers come on to you must be hard." I couldn't help but to laugh and blurted out "it's hard alright." Pastor Reid looked at me with confusion as Stiles and I laughed then said "I don't get the joke." Stiles grabbed my hand and said in between laughs "I'm kind of 100% gay or like you put it…queer." Pastor Reid took a step and said "Derek you're allowing this sin into your home and you bring him here? Don't you remember what we stand for, how we took an oath to uphold God's will." I didn't let go of Stiles' hand but instead responded with "I took an oath to love thy neighbor, to help and mentor, to be not only the best Christian I can be but the best man. You stand there with hate and disgust in your heart and all for what? Because a few verses of the bible says homosexuality was an abomination. Do you even realize in those times abomination meant unclean and wasn't a literal translation to sin? Do you realize out casting people, hating others, praying that they don't have any rights is nothing what God intended? Do you realize how contradictory you are being by being here right now? I thought being a pastor was to bring people to church by love and honor not turn them away by hatred." Pastor Reid took another step back and everyone began to crowd around making comments and sneering. "Derek if your father could hear you right now he would be so disgraced by your words. I know this sinner is family but he's allowed the devil to take control of him and until he redeems himself of all homosexual actions, his soul will be forever condemned to hell." Stiles grew angry as did I while the rally crowd cheered Pastor Reid on so I responded with "I can't believe I used to think like you do now, I can't believe I used to stand in front of my congregation and promote ignorance. You stand there and call yourself a man of God but do you even know what that means? Do you get disgusted when elders and pastors of the church rape little boys, when they steal from the church, when they cheat on their spouses, or even abuse them? Does any of that bother you or are you stuck on the Leviticus verse of man lying with man being an abomination? The bible also says if a child disobeys their parents they should be stoned or that slavery is justified…do you agree with those things? Do you want to go get a lamb and sacrifice it? The church has ignored and grown so much but yet has failed to understand God's true intent and all I can say is that I'll pray for you." Stiles and I turned around feeling accomplished and as we were walking away you could hear the words "fag", "queer", "go to hell", "stop spreading sin", and many other hurtful slurs being yelled at us but a large part of me didn't care.

I know saw the hypocrisy of my religion, I stared that hypocrisy in the face and I didn't like what it had to say. Stiles looked at me and said "I'm proud of you." I gave him a kiss and said I was hungry. We left and went to a diner and just talked like the night we did karaoke and it seemed peaceful once again. On the way home we knew we would have to talk to Allison and I was dreading it but I couldn't allow her to think everything was normal when that was farthest from the truth. As we arrived home still a little wet from the sprinklers Allison greeted us with a hug and asked us how our day was. I took a deep sigh before saying "I kissed Stiles." She sat down immediately probably because I blurted it out rather than saying something spiritual, philosophical or meaningful. "Are you…are you a homosexual?" Stiles grabbed my hand and spoke "I don't think he's a full fledge homosexual not like I am but he and I have something here it's like we complete each other. I know it sounds crazy and the last thing you ever want to hear but I love him and I know we're meant to be." She wouldn't speak, I tried to walk over to her but she screamed for me to not touch her as tears strolled down her face. "How could you do this to me, to us?" I didn't know how to answer because deep down I didn't know how I could either, how I could be so selfish and such a monster to give in to temptation like it was nothing. I'm a pastor, a spiritual leader even if I was having homosexual thoughts I should have contained them and prayed harder. I should have told Stiles that he was no longer welcomed in our house and that he should join the church. I should have said no to these feelings but I didn't and there's nothing more left to be said or done because my decision had been made. "Allison please don't be mad at us, I love you and you were always there for me but when I'm with Derek everything just seems to disappear. It makes no sense at all because we just met but the connection is stronger than any other and even last night we had the exact same dream if it was a dream but either way it made us realize there are worst things in the world than being gay. My nightmares seem like a distant memory when I'm with Derek and I feel whole Allison, something that has never happened to me before." He grabbed my hand again and I said "And when I'm with Stiles everything makes more sense. I feel like a part of me that had been missing is now filled and I can't explain it any other way. I know we have a family and with every fiber in my body I mean it when I say I love you but not the way I love Stiles. I don't know if this is the devil, if this is fate, if this is for a moment or eternity but what I do know is that you deserve more than what I can give. You deserve my honesty and truth and that's what I'm giving you." She sat there crying and managed to murmur "leave it to you to make me feel sorry for you, you always were good at saying the right things. I want you to know you are an asshole for this Derek and as far as you go Stiles you are no longer welcomed at our home and after everything we did for you. You come into my home, eat my food, and seduce my husband and now I'm left with nothing but two babies and a divorce. Derek since you pay the bills you clearly can have the house I'll go to my mother's and come for my stuff later. The twins are staying here so I hope you enjoy in case you didn't remember they have a cold so all they do is cry. I hope you two have fun playing around in sin you're nothing more than a couple of devilish fags." She got up from the couch, grabbed her purse and keys and headed out the door. The way she slammed it woke the twins up and Stiles looked at me and said "I'll get one you get the other." We grabbed the twins and went back to the couch laying them on our chest and rocked them to sleep while laying our heads on each other watching Twilight Zone marathon. I looked at Stiles and he looked at me back and we began to kiss once again he said "let's put the babies up" and we did just that. We went straight to my bed kissing and taking each other clothes off and then he started sucking on my neck that drove me crazy. My dick was throbbing it was so hard and he leaned me on the bed and whispered "want me to show you what I've learned," with a smirk on his face and then went to wrap his mouth around cock. His mouth was so warm, wet, deep, and his tongue massaged the tip of my dick as he deep throated the whole thing. He kept going up and down on my dick and I grabbed the back of his hair to steady him as it felt so good and my head tilted back out of enjoyment. He started to play with my balls with his hand and then moved his tongue to my hole by licking the edges of it giving me an added bonus of pleasure. I never knew sex could feel so good or be so hot all at the same time. I lifted his head up because I couldn't take any more I was ready to explode and I wanted to please him first I pushed his on his break and grabbed his cock with my hand. I was still a little nervous at first because it was my first time with a guy but Stiles touched my cheek and told me it was okay and then all the nerves just lifted away. I wrapped my mouth around his dick and at first it tasted weird, and it felt weird but the more Stiles enjoyed it the more I began to enjoy it also and I wanted to do anything to make his moans louder. I slide my tongue up and down the side of his dick while playing with his balls and fingering his hole. Stiles rolled his eyes to the back of his head and with both hands grabbed the back of my head as to tell me not to stop and I didn't. I kept slurping on his dick getting it nice and wet and I could feel it throbbing in my mouth like it was ready to explode. He lifted my head up and said he was ready so I reached over to the night stand and slipped on a condom. I spit on my condom so it could have some moisture and then I stuck the head of my dick into his boipussy. It was nice and slow and I could feel Stiles tense up so I started licking his back and kissing him and I instantly felt his body relax. I was able to stick the rest of my dick into his ass and felt so much warmth, tightness, and juices massaging my dick as it went in and out. Stiles began to get into my groove and we made passionate love in sync with one another.

After I came Stiles came a few seconds later and we just laid there on the bed beside each other in complete happiness. "That was hot." He said while giving me a sligh smile and I responded with "Next time it'll be even more hot." He leaned over and gave me a kiss and I rolled over and grabbed his side so we could cuddle. We fell asleep and awoke when we heard the babies crying because they wanted to eat and needed to be changed. The rest of the night well was self-explanatory, we ordered pizza watched a few movies and just fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms. I woke up to hearing Spice Girls being sung and I knew it was nothing more than Stiles. So I rushed downstairs and smelled the breakfast cooking and came up behind him to give him a kiss. Before we could talk about last night a brick came flying through the window with the words "DIE FAGS" written on it in sharpey. Right after the brick came eggs and the sound of screeching tires. I didn't touch the brick but instead ran right to the window to see the color and tag of the car but could only get a partly description. I called 911 and they came over and got all my information and said they would look into it but I knew by the disgust look on their faces they wanted nothing to do with us either. My only concern was that brick could have hit one of my daughters and I knew then this lifestyle that I wanted wasn't safe for my children. I had no idea why everyone was so set out to destroy our relationship, why it seemed the universe didn't want Stiles and I to be together. I mean is our love forbidden or something? Should we be penalized for loving each other just because we are two men? Stiles was so shaken up by the whole ordeal that he went and called Scott to talk to him about it. Scott suggested Stiles and I take the twins and move to a new town more liberal and while it was sudden it sounded like a reasonable plan. I had to deal with a divorce, selling of the house, finding a new job, a new place to live, but looking at my twins and looking at Stiles I knew I would do anything for them even if that means moving from the one place I've ever known.

We spent that night in fear, in fear of not knowing what was going to happen next, if we were going to get harassed if we went in public or not. I picked up the newspaper and front headline wrote "GAY PASTOR CRASHES ANTI-GAY MARRIAGE RALLY WITH ARMY BOYFRIEND." And I knew instantly why the people came to our house because of the article and I knew this would only be the beginning. After so many omens told me to stay away all I wanted to do was grow closer and remembered my mother always telling me "if it comes easy then it's not a challenge and you should always challenge yourself because that's when greatness is made." Her voice kept replaying over and over in my mind and as we lay down to bed that night I remember thinking "I'm not sure if this is a dream or reality. I'm not sure when I wake up tomorrow if Stiles is going to be alive or dead but I am thankful that I had the chance to stand up for what is right. I'm glad I had the chance to fall in love for real even if only for a few moments and I'm thankful I was able to follow my heart and not my bible. If I wake up and Stiles is gone then at least I'll have my memories."


End file.
